The allure of Kampala: I’m off to sample Uganda’s curvy women

Miss Curvy Uganda [Photo: Courtesy]

Kampala is my favourite city in Africa. Being a typical Omogusii, who loves bananas, this is natural. Nobody cooks bananas better than Ugandan women.

Kampala is a beautiful city, though boda bodas are way too much. It is very welcoming. Nairobi chokes me at times. Everything is too militant.

Makangas are little devils. Street beggars are a tad too aggressive. Service in most restaurants is really crap, with waiters either stealing from you or bouncers fleecing you. Our politicians are nauseating. And our women lost their feminine side back in 2002.

Ugandan women are famously beautiful. They are known to be humble. I've heard that they even kneel when greeting you. I have been to Kampala and noticed that Ugandan women have better class than their Nairobian counterparts.

They go swimming in fancy hotels, attend live jazz concerts, sipping their white wine. I scarcely saw a woman drinking from a brown or  green bottle. But beer quaffing is a common thing among Nairobi women.

It is no surprise that authorities in Uganda have added a new tourist attraction to the rich natural treasure trove that is southwest Uganda. Two weeks ago, Uganda’s curvy women were officially declared a tourist attraction, much to the chagrin of feminists. But some have argued that if slender women can be used to market certain products, there is no problem why chubby and curvy women cannot be used to market a country.

There is merit here. We can deny how men and women relate sexually as an academic exercise, but reality does not mimic scholarly idealism. Some middle-aged and older white men come to the Kenyan coast searching for “young meat” to rejuvenate their dwindling fortunes.

Ditto, middle-aged and elderly women who seek young men to take them to cloud nine. It is something that has been captured in movies and books. Sadly, young girls condemned to poverty by our uncaring government are part of the racket. Yet textbook and keyboard feminist warriors have not done anything to end this exploitation.

Away from feminist sensibilities, in reality, for men, when they visit a new country, they are wont to try sample the women in that country. Kenyan men nurse the dream of sleeping and marrying a Ugandan woman.

Those who have read about kachabali know it is something worth trying before you die. Since Kampala is just 650 kilometres from Nairobi, it makes it more exciting.

I suspect the declaration of curvy Ugandan women as a tourist attraction was meant to lure Kenyan men to the 'Pearl of Africa.' The typical tourist is presumed white, and we all know that white people prefer their women on the thin side. Curvy women are mostly an African thing.

Women need not get mad. I often see women drool over shirtless sportsmen like Cristiano Ronaldo and actors like Denzel Washington and other heartthrobs. Human beings are very sexual, and the desire to have sex is deeply encoded in us. 

So, at the end of this month, I will backpack to Kampala to sample what the city has to offer, besides the good beaches of Lake Victoria, the Nile, Ruwenzori and the Kitagata Hot Springs.

I will sample the famous Kampala nightlife and relive the days of my youth, when I went to Kampala and was smitten by a young lady by a swimming pool.

I will eat the roadside chicken, attend the numerous live bands, eat matoke and hope that in the end, my host Obed will arrange for a curvy wench to calm my troubled heart. I gather Kampala women are lovely, romantic and obedient. That is something I have always fantasised about.

As you all know, Nairobi girls broke my heart...for good.

@nyanchwani

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