Usikojoe hapa: I was dumped by three wives for bedwetting, city man

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Many mothers get worried when their sons wet the bed beyond Class One. But what happens when the husband also wets the matrimonial bed?

She has to shoulder the burden of taking the mattress out for drying daily and if he drinks alcohol, it’s even worse when the jiranis begin turning up their noses considering adult pee smells like a pigsty.

Drawing a man who has paid half the bride price to discuss his bedwetting ways can be tough if he has hidden talents in inflicting pain through body blows.

Calling wazees to discuss the matter can result in lack of quorum and a woman remains with wet blankets and soggy mattress, smell and the same adult she calls Baba Watoto.

Bedwetting or nocturnal enuresis is an embarrassing medical condition that can strain relationships, marriages and social life.

One can’t sleep away from home for fear of relatives and friends finding out.

Nocturnal enuresis affects both genders and it can cause discomfort if not treated especially if the boot is on the other foot and it’s the woman who wets the bed after knocking a few bottles of those drinks that come in twos.

Is bedwetting in adults a case of a medical condition or the bladder having problems?

Martin Madii, an advertising sales agent in Nairobi, has been wetting beds since the last elections. The 38-year-old claims the problem started as a moderate incontinent condition before it gradually became harder to turn off taps.

“It never hit my mind I could be suffering from a certain condition as there were no signs to raise suspicion. Moreso, I didn’t have  the courage of facing the doctor and disclosing my condition,” he explains adding that  “the first time it happened I was sober but in deep sleep, by the time I felt the urge of the call, half of the ladder had already emptied on the bed.”

They left [Photo: Courtesy]

While the first two wet nights didn’t give him sleepless nights, repeat wettings got him worried and he sought medical advice.   

Madii, now on medication, was diagnosed with a hormonal problem after seeking medical advice. His body was not producing enough antidiuretic hormone hence resulting in too much production of urine while sleeping. His current bachelor status is a result of three women leaving after being unable to tolerate wet bed sheets.  

“I took the initiative of seeking medication after my third wife took our beddings outside, insulted me as neighbours watched and then took off. I was embarrassed that she left without notice,” recalls Madii, adding that the condition can lead to stigmatisation for a man married to a woman who doesn’t understand or tolerate the situation.

Isaac Kambi, who is a police officer was forced to rent a house outside the camp to avoid being disgraced by his colleagues.

Kambi claims there were no signs to make him panic when the condition first happened four years ago. Being fond of drinking, he thought it was alcohol-related but a month later, he was shocked when he woke up wet despite having not taken any alcohol.

His wife tolerated him for a short time but before one could say ‘afande’ she had left him after a string of choice barbs.   

He tried another relationship and was careful to sleep out in lodgings but she was still found out. “She got pregnant and I had to give her moral support and that meant I had to frequently sleep in the house and that’s how she discovered, she assumed when it first happened, and advised me to reduce my drinking. But when it happened for the second time she became suspicious.”   

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His wife started inquiring from his colleagues which didn’t go down well with him. “I felt that she was disclosing my private affair to my colleagues, so when I asked her politely why she had to do that she became rude and abusive that’s how things started falling apart.”  Isaac’s wife became abusive and intolerable to avoid shedding blood, he had to late her go.  

“She frustrated me to a point I thought of shooting her; very few women can understand the condition. I had to cope with the life of isolation than to have someone who will take advantage of your situation to mock and abuse you.”

Isaac was relieved when he came across a sales promotion of adult diapers in a supermarket and now that is what he wears when going to bed.

Bedwetting in marriage can strain relationships as Joyce, a nurse in Nairobi found out. The 33-year-old has been married for five years and though she loves her husband “very much” the proud man from Nyanza “holds back and doesn’t want to talk about it and pretends nothing has happened” forcing Joyce to change bedsheets daily.

Edith, a 38-year-old mother of two says her husband began bedwetting in his 30s and ‘it has been tough on him emotionally and physically. At first, he had sleepless nights and was extremely unhappy about having to wear diapers.”

The hubby was diagnosed with a bladder problem “and his brain does not alert him to wake up and use the bathroom so he releases the urine in his sleep. He now has to sleep in a diaper every night and usually wakes up in the middle of the night to change because it is wet.”