Kuoa bila mpango: 10 silly decisions made over Xmas

In an attempt to avoid family pressure to answer the question, “Utaoa lini?” some folks settle with a cat they dragged from the nightclub.

December is the one time when God-fearing people forget worries of the previous 11 months for just one month of relaxation, merrymaking and debauchery.

This is also the one season when caution is thrown out of the window as people make awkward, irreversible and agonising decisions, besides adopting the soon to be unwise saying, ‘Tumia pesa ikuzoee!’

Here are 10 silly decisions made over Christmas:

1. Krisi on overdraft

Those with deep pockets take exotic holidays as they flex their muscles, which is not the usual for kawaida folks whose motto is, Bora Uhai.

But sometimes some wannabes attempt to go with the flow and pretend they have made it. Kumbe it’s a bank, Sacco or chama loan for kujibonda over Xmas, only for them to cry later on.

2. Kuoa bila mpango

In an attempt to avoid family pressure to answer the question, “Utaoa lini?” some folks settle with a cat they dragged from the nightclub without doing proper background check, only for them to later learn that her family is famous for churning out wachawi. 

3. Proposing fwaaa!

Sharing a thin line with number two above is the propensity of some folks, having been pressured enough to go on one bended knee and chafua trousers, while proposing by force only for the woman to push alipe mahari before January.

4. Unplanned pregnancies

You could be reading this with the excitement that comes with the early December salary, but someone somewhere is making an unplanned baby and come January, a call will come: “Babe, we need to talk…” followed by a gush of tears.

5. Mindless merrymaking

There are folks who decided to join the merrymaking bandwagon arguing that, “Hata wakizima taa, lazima tuangushe mzinga!” only to later realise that ‘tomorrow’ rarely sorts itself and they are stuck with bills!

6. Car hire to shags 

Few images feel better than gassing to the far end of Baringo in a sleek machine that will make villagers mistake you for a Mbunge, before a session of chafua meza. But what the folks don’t know is that the car is hired and you can’t afford to knock down a donkey past midnight.

7. Resigning from Muhindi

Slaving in a factory at the Industrial Area under Muhindi mkali is not for the faint-hearted, the reason why some folks quit after receiving a two-kilogramme baking flour, half-kilo cooking fat and baking powder as December tokens of appreciation.

But you wake up on January 3rd after the last village party to the reality that ku-hustle is real.

8. Skiving December rent

Budgeting for December festivities and paying rent for those who have stretched the landlord’s deadlines to 20th is not a joke. Thus, Mogaka will decide to hepa mzee wa nyumba, then vanish to Nyamira until January, only to arrive and find Njoro aliongeza kufuli!

9. Pombe sio uji

Some go against the doctor’s orders and sip chest-bursting chang’aa until their liver begins issuing warning signs. But since they’re in shags, they decide daktari alibaki Nairobi, acha nionje busaa leo…

10. Bet ita nunua mbuzi

Betting craze has spread like gospel of money and while sometimes Lady Luck smile son your bet, most times, the betting company always wins and placing huge bets expecting to use the windfall kununulia watoto mbuzi will end with you having ambulia patupu!

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