Forget church girls, this is why slay queens are the best

[Photo: Courtesy]

I have seen men opting to date church girls because they believe that those ladies make the best wives. But is that always the case? Honestly, in some cases, you’d rather choose yourself a slay queen than go for a church girl.

See, with a slay queen, what you see is what you get. They don’t pretend to be what they are not. But church women come with layers and layers of masks.

On the surface, they might seem like great people, but the hypocrisy they carry along with them will eventually drive you off the edge.

Growing up in staunch Christian homes, their parents monitored their every move with hawk eyes. It was woe unto them if they even imagined messing around with boys.

Freedom was limited and most valuable information was hidden from them. Questions about sex went unanswered, and so they have these pent up hormones.

Questioning is regarded as a sin, as good Christians must believe without doubt. So, these young people grow up clueless on how the world really works. That level of half-baked understanding of things is what bears that major curiosity and the need to explore in later years.

In campus, when they are far from their parents, things suddenly start to fall apart. The young women are naïve and have childlike innocence. Thus, it’s easy for them to be swayed and deceived.

Any man who comes to them with the promise of marriage is let into their hearts and panties. Any man who approaches them with biblical verses on his tongue is given a free pass. And since most of these women have no clue how to take care of themselves, except for the partial sex education classes in school, most would end up laying with these guys without protection.

Their humility makes them so scared of standing for themselves and eventually get taken advantage of and settle for bums.

Since they are close-minded, they would rather die than leave abusive relationships. They’ll quote a million verses on how horrific it is to leave their marriage, even though they are obviously suffering and in deep pain.

The “shame” of being a divorced woman is worse than their self-esteem. So, they’ll sit there waiting for the man to bring them a concoction of sexual infections and then take it to the Lord in prayer.

But worse are those who after experimenting with all kinds of kuni, go around repackaging themselves as virgins. And who won’t fall for that angelic charm? But as soon as you get married, you realise the relationship is not about the two of you.

The church will always be in bed with you, influencing every decision you make as a family. From pastors to wazee wa kanisa, everyone has their eyes on you. Your woman must confide in them every aspect of your relationship. They are so informed, they would know if you farted last night during sex!

The women care about their spiritual parents' opinion more than any other person in their lives. If their 'mummy' tells them to leave you, trust me, they will pack and and dump you in a minute.

It doesn’t matter whether you are on your last cent, if their 'daddy in Christ' tells them to contribute to some church project, they will do so without thinking. Your word as a husband always comes second to them.

For people who are guided by the “do not judge” saying, these women have quite some heavy judging burdens on their shoulders. They’ll scrunch up their noses at you, your friends or family if you do not conform to their beliefs.

Church men are not any better. These men come with their own set of challenges, especially those who have kept it locked waiting for marriage. The moment they get to have a taste of the forbidden fruit, it’s over for you.

They want sex morning, afternoon and evening because “you are their wife and where else is he supposed to quench his thirst?” They don’t have any other hobby to keep them busy - like socialising, drinking or watching football - like other men. So, the only 'fun thing' they occupy themselves with is pounding their pelvis between their wives' legs!

 Do yourself a favour and marry in your circles.  

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