Why dating a feminist slay queen is worse than celibacy

Be ready [Photo: Courtesy]

I can be charming on a good day, especially if I meet a brainy and witty girl who does not suffer any insecurities.

But brainy and witty girls in Nairobi are full of trouble with their feminist ideals. A statement to the effect that you prefer a woman who rolls good chapatis can earn you a severe reprimand and may cost you a date full of promise.

The world is no place for retrosexuals - men who on a good day are wild and believe that life is to be enjoyed to the fullest. There is a reason Ernest Hemmingway is my favourite writer. I actually like Hemmingway the man more than I like the writer (too dry for my taste). Boy, he was wild.

In my own small ways, I try to be wild. I travel as frequently as I can. I can be reckless with the bottle, though bad hangovers have ensured that I cut on that bit.

Also, the cost of good whisky is the reason men my age are yet to build shacks back in the village. And boy, do we like spending money on Nairobi women?

Whereas I am a simple man, I’m very particular about my choices. I try to be old school and original wherever I can, and good girls used to find this charming. I’m your khaki-loving/checked shirt, Nokia-phone-carrying chap who loves reading Yuval Noah Harari.

For insisting that a woman who cooks has a higher chance of getting married, women call me sexist. For insisting that women should sacrifice their holidays and spend less on makeup and their hair, they call me a chauvinist. I have lately learnt to shut up if I don’t want to lose a woman.

I had actually quit dating for a long time. But last week, I was back in the game and boy what a mess I made.  Whereas I steer clear of slay queens and feminists, I decided to take the challenge. It was not worth it!

Independence for women is a charade. She insisted on a swanky restaurant and I hoped she would pay or at least foot part of the bill, but that was an extravagant expectation.

Ten minutes into the date, I wanted out. I listened to her talk about the man she wants, and I questioned my sanity. Online, she is furiously independent. She insults any man who questions her choices. And this is the attitude she brought to the table.

Thirty minutes into the date and I wanted to be in jail or somewhere more interesting. In short, she wants to enjoy everything femininity gives her (men should pay the bills, doors need to be opened for her and she expects to be showered with flowers, perfumes and all). In return, she wants to give back nothing.

“No, I can’t cook for you. Not in my house. Not that I can’t cook, but marriage is not about cooking!”

I asked her about my clothes.

“Come on, I can’t do that. As in you have two hands, there are laundries, you can take your clothes there.”

She cited her nails and “I don’t even wash my clothes…”

Meanwhile, she wanted me to pay bride price, let her party, pursue her career at the cost of raising a family, pay rent and every other obligation.

When you meet a 27-year-old woman with no sense of responsibility or obligation, it is a scary thing. I tried to be reasonable with her, but clearly a feminist who is a slay queen will not understand the language of responsibility.

It made me miss the days when you met a 27-year-old who wanted to settle down and raise beautiful babies and pursue her career with the family in mind.

My high-flying date was undatable and unmarriable. She is beautiful, intelligent and all, but for dating and marriage, a good attitude is everything.

But I know her type. They are users. They look at men and those around them as objects to use for their convenience. Toys to play with. They value work and money over building tangible relationships with friends and family.

If you marry them, you have to be henpecked and know for sure they can rationalise any bullshit and still play victim when you confront them.

Increasingly, the number of dateable women in Nairobi is decreasing at an alarming rate. You are always meeting either too aggressive a bunch or too docile for life types. Nothing in between.

 @nyanchwani

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