Why wives can’t beat side chicks

Yes ladies, what you are not willing to do, two women are willing to

Imagine dismissing the “bathe your man” piece of advice a certain vlogger dished out to Kenyan women, then waking up to online photos of your husband sandwiched between two beauties in a bathroom?

Yes ladies, what you are not willing to do, two women are willing to. That is the sad reality of the world we live in. Women are almost double the number of men in Kenya, and some will go to extreme lengths to win that man you keep walking over.

Fisilets are out there with their hungry tongues wagging and their crotches itching for your man, so you better tighten that belt real tight or else, you will find yourselves on the opposite side of a very long table discussing splitting assets and custody of children.

These ladies are not here to play, they know exactly what they want and they are winning. Side chicks are upping their game every single day without shame. They would even wipe his ass if that means more control over him.

When a man wants to cheat, there would be no stopping him, especially now that schools have closed and the house is inhabitable. What with all the totos brawling at home. He will wake up at 4am claiming that he wants to beat the traffic, only for him to pull up at a side chick’s house to get a kamoja for the road.

That side chick enthusiastically welcomes him, all showered and fresh and ready to smash the living daylights out of him. At that time, you, the poor wife are probably still stirring and farting in your old IEBC T-shirt and a stocking on your head that smells worse than tormented souls in hell.

In this world, the moment you delete another one immediately downloads. Most men are broken, the economy is bad and business has been hit hard. Sometimes being in the office is more or less torturous. Then he comes back home and walks right into a landmine.

As soon as the doorknob turns, the wife would be sitting there waiting with a list of demands. Schools fees that, house rent this, maziwa that...

The guy has not even settled and you don’t know how his day was. Ladies, will it kill you if you let the man come in and have a decent meal and rest before you start with the demands? He could be beat from a hard day at work. At least make him feel welcome in his own home.

See, at least side chicks wait till the guy is floating in a series of happy post-coital emotions before they softly whisper in his ear, “Babe, unaeza nifanyia favour?”

One thing you should keep in mind is that side chicks know how to massage the hell out of a man’s ego. It doesn’t matter if his potbelly looks like a kettle full of worms, he’d still be “babe” or “Mr Handsome” in her eyes.

She’d walk proudly with him, holding his hand and stealing kisses every now and then while you, the wife, points at him using your tongue in church functions whenever someone asks where your husband is!

I don’t know why the wedding ring and the “wife” title makes most women let their guard down. Everything about you has become so predictable that y’all can have sex while he is reading the day’s paper. You talk at him instead of talking to him. Little things like showering before bed is a rumour in your house.

You just flop into bed with ugali morsels on your hand and feet without a care in the world. And when he asks for something less conventional like a blowjob, unakemea shetani till the neighbours wake up!

Men will cheat, but you should be very scared when a man keeps only one regular side chick. Because that means he is not exactly out there for the physical needs, but for the emotional aspect too.

If it was just about sex, there is nothing stopping a man from buying it at some dark alley somewhere, or getting it from different women every night. But in case he keeps going for the same woman over and over again, it is because he has mentally moved on from you.

He is out there seeking that human connection that he seems to have lost in you, looking for someone who makes him feel better about himself. Do something before it’s too late.

The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Sde.co.ke