Why me? Eight of my chicks were impregnated by other men

What is wrong with me? [Photo: Courtesy]

Since I started dating, I have met eight girls who told me they loved me only to end up being made pregnant by other men.

I find another one but still things do not work – same story. Another guy makes her pregnant. What is wrong with me? Kevin

Dear Kevin,

From the little biology that I know, it is the fastest sperm that zaps the egg. My analysis of the situation is that your tadpoles are lazy and slow.

Either that or you have been attempting some stingos that abandon the poor guys at the Ngamia oilfields in Turkana yet the eggs are waiting impatiently in Migingo Island. 

When competitors unleash Usain Bolts, you realise mwana si wako. I would suggest you take up jogging, perhaps spend a few weeks running up and down the hills in Iten to jog those lazy chaps into action.

 Also avoid anything to do with Kamba-sutra and stick to the missionary style that Adam tried, tested and perfected.

Anyway, the long and shot of it is that you are not satisfying your women sexually. One woman fleeing your bed is understandable. But eight? Iko shida!

Try to last longer than 30 seconds and if pain persists, see mganga kutoka Pemba!