Would you date yourself?

As you set the standards for someone to date, tell yourself that you will also not date that person unless you are all those things too

What do you look for in a potential partner? We are all entitled to personal standards. Personally, I have a checklist of about 10 things I look for in a man before engaging in a serious relationship.

These 10 core qualities are: a good sense of humour, financial stability, good grooming, good conversationalist, honesty, kindness, good physique, charming personality, romantic, and family oriented.

I am very resolute about these attributes and I tend not to entertain anything less. While there is nothing wrong with setting standards for the people we date, I recently came to the realisation that a vast majority of us, myself included, don’t take the time to consider our own attributes and see how many checks we could tick off on someone else’s list.

Why are we so quick to put the onus for self-improvement and upward mobility on our potential significant others but not ourselves?

If you were in someone else’s shoes, would you date yourself? We have all these strict requirements other people must have for us to consider dating them, but when it comes ourselves, we want to be regarded as flawed human beings. We like to tell ourselves that we are not perfect and no one should expect us to be. We tell ourselves that the men we date should accept us as we are.

Do you really think that men are also not walking around with a checklist of things that they like for in a potential life partner? They are! Would you meet those qualifications? I know it is unsettling to think of ourselves as not meeting some arbitrary standard or not looking good on paper, but we are so quick to do so for other people.

I am not saying it is a bad idea to set standards for the people we date, but I think it is wise to set standards for ourselves too. Before you start going out with someone, ensure that you meet all the standards you have set for yourself. Ask yourself if you are independent, physically fit or whatever else you expect from your partner.

I am sure we have all had men suddenly drop us because we didn’t fit in their requirements, even if they didn’t come out and say so. It is a horrible feeling to think that we ourselves become a checklist of qualities, but that is the hard truth. You are being judged as harshly as you are judging.

Do not start a relationship with someone when you feel you are not worthy to be dated. If you are unkind, irresponsible, messy, overweight and unemployed; do you expect someone to want to date you? Do not demand perfection from others knowing you are not at your best.

As you go around saying you can’t go out with someone unless he is hardworking, trustworthy and in good shape, tell yourself that you will also not date that person unless YOU are all those things too. Granted, we are not always where we want to be in life and sometimes we fall short of who we want to be, but we should always strive to reach the minimum goals we set for ourselves.

@roxannekenya

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