10 reasons ‘born taos’ will never be village MCAs

Siaya County assembly

Forget the contemptuous attitude most ‘born taos’ develop when talking of the Ward Rep seat or even MCAs who they derisively label semi-literate, former beggars and other demeaning titles.

The reality is that due to the perks many Nairobans pray and fast to bag the MCA’s job but in the village, they have a snowball’s chance in hell. Here is why:

1. No ‘simba’ in the Village

A house in rural Shamakhokho is a big statement of a political candidate’s presence and oneness with village voter.

No sane villager will vote a ‘homeless’ fellow. A bungalow in the city and no ‘simba’ at home is as useless as a dream.

2. Chida ya matamchi

Nairobians are ‘overcivilized’ and addresses village gatherings in fluent Kiswahili or English, but struggle with mother tongue.

Such a candidate also struggles to get votes as villagers harshly punish them at the ballot. The reasoning is that they could as well use their ‘civilisation’ to seek the presidency instead.

3. You, my relative too?

One identity marker of a leader is how well he’s acquainted with his family lineage. Wonder why Raila Odinga gets the Luhya vote like no other?

Well, he traces his (political) ancestry to the Wanga

— a Luhya sub tribe

— down to over 100 generations without battering an eye.

But a middle class Nairobians asks, ‘Wewe ndio uncle mgani?’ When his clan has no vernacular for ‘uncle.’ The village voter knows every villager is your son, brother or father. Period.

4. Stagnant city careers

The average Nairobian is likely to have been stuck in the same job level in a Patel company since retired President Moi was calling the shots.

The villagers know of this career misfortune and trying to trick them during campaigns will see the village voter ‘eat pesa ya siasa’ but the vote will go to one of their own.

5. Suffocating loans

The many micro finance outfits and SACCOs offering all manner of loans in the city are indicators Nairobians have adapted a lifestyle of surviving on loans.

So debt ridden are Nairobians that saving enough money to mount a serious campaign in the village for a Ward seat is a pipe dream.

6. Mistreating blood relations

Your average Nairobian has severally mishandled and/or chased a ‘shags rela’ from his rented house in Gorofani Flats when he/she came to hustle.

What better payback time than at the ballot?

7. Ku-skive funerals

Nairobians have a tendency of ignoring rural funerals for ‘being held up with work’ but in real sense are catching up with English Premier League at their local from where they M-Pesa Sh527.

This when everybody knows village funerals are the Mwakenya of knowing which party is popular and how to familiarise yourself with your people or win a political contest.

8. Mkono glue

Away from the flat rate Sh527 a Nairobian M-Pesas (after countless reminders) to their rural folk towards a harambee for funeral or medical bills of a kin, the ‘born tao’ has  never helped anyone from his shagz secure employment despite being an influential corporate honcho.

The only avenue the villagers can pay back for such a sin is through the debe.

9. A tale of two cities

Now that the aspiring city dweller wants to be village MCA, the village voter has a question: Since the MCA has a home in Nairobi, will the villager have to travel to Nairobi to see the MCA?

And the vote is lost just like that.

10. ‘Born tao’ are softies

Nairobi has succeeded in producing softies; fresh from campus when he was employed he has never invested away from his pot belly.

He thus lacks somewhere to turn to when he fails at the ballot. He can also not comb the village campaign trails for long hours and hates to imagine a door to door approach of vote hunting.

Worse, he lacks the temerity to order his aides to throw a jab at an opponent or even strike a match stick at a tea plantation belonging to an opponent’s mother.