I recently came across an astonishingly obnoxious blog post that absolutely disgusted me. It was written by a self-proclaimed male relationship expert and dating coach. In the article, he was giving his fellow men some wise words on how to deal with the womenfolk’s “incessant nagging.”
The crux of this disturbing article was that when a woman starts to nag, she should be ignored because “women nag for no apparent reason” and that nagging has “absolutely nothing to do with men” because “nagging women are usually just expressing their insecurities.”
He went on to give a brilliant example: “When she gets on your case because she wants you to take the trash out, she has probably gained a few pounds and needs to vent.” Wow!
That article made my skin crawl. By the time I was finished reading it, I was seething in indescribable rage. I had the same facial expression I’d have if someone came up to me and punched me for no reason. I let myself soak in the disgust and read it over and over again, fascinated by how someone could be so horribly spiteful.
Nag. I hate that word. Of all the anti-women put-downs that are out there, being called a nag has to be the most flustering. It is very interesting that there is no cultural counterpart to the nagging husband. We’ve all heard the bullshit saying that ‘men request and women nag.’
Apparently, when a man wants his wife to do something, he doesn’t whine needlessly and harp on about it.
He simply ‘requests.’ It is amazing that in this day and age, relationship ‘experts’ are still perpetuating the stereotypical ‘nagging wife and henpecked husband’ gendered trope about marriage and relationships. Please, allow me to debunk this nonsense of the nagging woman as the universal villain of married life.
When a woman asks her husband to do something more than once, she will instantly be labelled a nag, regardless of whether the request is reasonable or not. Men resort to using this derogatory term for two reasons.
First, to trivialize a woman’s request and to put her in her place. Secondly, by dismissing her requests as nagging, he saves himself from actually having to do whatever his wife was asking him to do until he feels like doing it.
This way, he can make himself look like he is in control. A woman doesn’t just boss him around. What men don’t realize is that calling a woman a nag is a self-fulfilling prophesy. Because a woman is afraid of being branded a nag, she will make her requests indirectly.
The man will figure there is no urgency to it and decide he will do it some other time.
The woman will get angry and burst out with a complaint or criticism and her behaviour will only reinforce that image.
Let us get one thing clear: When a woman keeps bringing something up, it is because it matters to her and because it is unresolved. She deserves to be heard. Ladies, don’t let being called a nag make you doubt yourself.
If there’s something reasonable you want done, and it’s not getting done, don’t let the fear of being called a nag prevent you from asking for it.