Father Gakombe has returned to the local after conducting endless church masses over Easter. He hasn’t changed much. His Kalonzo Musyoka hairdo is still intact. His metal rosary still hangs down his hairy chest, prompting Karembo, the resident hooker, to confess, “Hizo fudhi zako za kifua huni turn on.”
Fr Gakombo retorts back: “Wacha kujaribu kondoo ya Mungu!” But Karembo swears that she will one day rarua mashuka for free at Raha Yangu Bar & Lodging with the man of cloth.
Fr Gakombe, who still insists that his bottle of cold Tusker be washed from the tap “kama mtoto” before it’s hissed open, often clarifies that the Catholic Church does not frown upon its clergy drinking kong’o or succumbing to cancer sticks, after all, “the early Catholic Church had the best vineyards and the best way of attracting congregation was via dishing out crates of wine on Sundays” he explains.
“Is it because Jesus never smoked that’s why fire-spitting Christians look at smokers like sinners?” asked a chain-smoking Karembo, criss-crossing her thighs in a suggestive manner, Fr Gakombe’s eyes could not escape landing on the red triangular hint of her panties at the end of her female railway.
Before Fr Gakombe could respond, the Mukorino, nicknamed ‘Wagithomo’ by Nyambu, the counter girl, sauntered in and ordered ‘Loliondo.’
Karembo was curious to see what drink Loliondo was when Nyambu fished out one of those low-life, kifua-burning spirits which might interest people at Kebs.
Wagithimo adjusted his white kilemba before slapping the bottle of Loliondo on his large open palm kuitoa wazimu and uncorking it straight into his mouth for one endless gulp “ya kutoa lock.”
Noticing that Karembo was staring at him with dazed interest, Wagithomo dared her to ask anything. “Why is it that Mukorinos can read the Bible in vernacular, but rarely in English?”
Wagithomo thought for a while and slurred, “Swari igine?”
Karembo: “Why is it hard to spot a pregnant Mukorino?” Wagithomo surveyed the local and said that he knew the third question was about his Loliondo to which responded, “Saa zingine mwanaume huweka kanisa kando anarudishia mwili asante!”
Before Karembo could react, Wagithomo drowned the remaining half bottle and scattered out of the local like a bat out of hell.