Ted talk: He no longer picks my calls or visits me on weekends

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Dear Uncle Ted,

I am a 23-year-old lady working for an investment firm in Nairobi. I have been dating this man for five years now despite the stress of being in a long-distance relationship. But nowadays, he is no longer caring. He no longer picks my calls, calls back or visits me on weekends. Please help


My dearest Tabby, three things: First, men are very decisive creatures. If that man did not propose after five years of cooking chapo for him, ironing his shirts and throwing his torn boxers in the bin and replacing them with some cool stuff from Dubai, it means you have merely been engaging in physical education and swinging him goods and making him husband material for another woman. Second, if a man stops picking or returning your calls, he is politely telling you to take the hint and beat it. He no longer likes you. And last, if he stops visiting on weekends altogether, it means you no longer excite him sexually and that he is getting good service wherever he is. But look, at 23, you are a young lady, barely out of puberty. Consider him as one of the frogs a girl must kiss before meeting Mr Right.