Uncle Ted, my hubby has refused to beg me for lungula

Dear Uncle Ted,

My husband has made a habit of wetting the bed when drunk. I told him he was not getting my ‘nunu’ unless he apologises and stops that nonsense.

What annoys me is that the fool has refused to apologise, falls dead asleep without as much as touching me, only to turn the bed into a urinal. Do you think he is seeing someone else?


I can’t believe that bad man has usurped your right to squirt! Seriously though, buy him diapers NOW before he poops an elephant in your bed!

Second, you should know by now that a man never apologises. If you want a happy marriage, apologise and peck him all over next time he pees.

And last, lungula sanctions used to work when a man had to pay three cows before being allowed to see his betrothed’s petticoat peeping down an ankle-long dress.

So, shauri yako if you want to sit there sulking with your legs shut. The reality is, if your man goes on Facebook right now and inboxes some randy lass, chances that the two will be fornicating three hours from now are quite high.

And oh...a man who drinks till he wets the bed is not seeing someone. He is banging a barmaid!

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