It’s ‘kamatia chini’ time at Wa-Hannah’s as sots ‘shake a leg’

The sight of Nyambu’s bulging stomach has been touching a paternal nerve in Papa English. Seeing his child growing inside a barmaid has been stirring primordial emotions that saw him requesting Bongo Flava songs.

The local has never seen Papa English dancing until Nyambu got paged. And believing ‘engine oil’ increases milk production has seen Papa English - who rarely throws rounds - having Nyambu take three bottles of Guinness daily on his tab.

It was under the influence of ‘engine oil’ that Nyambu added volume to Diamond’s song, Number One, with Papa English taking to the dancing ‘floor’ with uncharacteristic gusto.

Papa English threw a helicopter round for everyone, which was enough bribe for Owish to change brands from ‘sugar free’ ‘Simiti’ to tots of Yohana Mtembezi.

Owish, like most men from the lakeside, knows how to shake what his mama gave him. There is a way ‘Jakom’ sways his hips like there is a small Premio bearing rotating his waist, kushoto-kulia.

Owish then goes chini kwa chini like that was what he was born to do when not ruining his liver.

Men from Central Kenya are not that gifted in the dancing department, and the onset of Mugithi songs with their monotonous beats, never helped matters. But Kang’ethe did very well for himself dancing in one style, which involved throwing his fly suggestively towards Nyambu.

Kot-Kot, the Luhya that he is, rhythmically shook his shoulders like a posho mill owner shelling mahindi, while bending his back like one ducking stone missiles.

Nyambu suddenly switched songs to Nataka Kulewa, also by Diamond, and Papa English was in his element. Problem was, mzungus don’t know how to dance.

Papa English was rotating around the local like someone recovering from morphine overdose. There was no coordination in his limbs. It was like he was being cut into pieces using an invisible butcher’s knife.

Nyambu joined him, but the counter girl danced like it was a mkorino song, in which jumping towards your partner was the way to go. The result was her pregnancy hitting Papa English, sending him scampering to the floor head first.

Nyambu burst into tears slurring, “I can’t dance vizuri juu ya hii ball yako!” and brought the party to a sudden end.