Cry freedom for walevi wa local

Spending New Year festivities at the police station were cut short due that not-so-small matter of our laws dictating that no God-fearing Kenyan should be held at the cop station without being charged within 48 hours.

And so, the sots, including Kang’ethe, Diameter, Papa English, Owish and Nyambu, were released. Nyambu lamented that she had to make do with the same ‘mothers’ union’ underwear which induced kujikuna sehemu ‘Nyeri.’

Karao Kiprop, who once shaved her fudhi with a razor blade when they went to rarua mashuka at Raha Yangu Bar and Lodging, told her, “Thii ukiumaga!” (Okuyu for ‘go as you dry,’ mostly mouthed after a session of kupimanisha vitovu), but which sounded very funny said in a Kale accent.

Kang’ethe had not slept after kumangwa na chawa, for which he threatened to sue the National Police Service besides the choma ulimi tea served for breakfast inflaming the roof of his mouth, such that he talked to cops like one balancing a hot potato over his tongue.

Owish, who had planned to spend the festive season in the city as he was recovering from an out-of-money experience, developed cold turkeys, often shaking, with Diameter advising him to go slow on makali. ‘Tabitha’ (Summit lager, also called Simiti) was recommended as it was sugar free and without hangover and those red eyes Owish spots after a night of barbequing his liver with Yohana Mtembezi.

Papa English needed counselling services as the horrors of sleeping akijifunika na ngumi at the cell nicknamed ‘Route 45’ left him with irreversible psychological trauma, a condition Waka-Knife, the butcher, felt could be tackled with a bottle of Blue Moon serving as head cleaner “ya kufungua macho ya New Year.”

Back the local, Miss Penny, the owner of Wa-Hannah’s, welcomed her regular customers with three first free ‘helicopter’ rounds. The whole police station ordeal was occasioned by Nyambu, who took advantage of domestic tiffs between Papa English and his wife, Sister Lucy.

Nyambu became the new nyumba ndogo of Papa English after Sister Lucy returned to her parents in Muchatha. She stopped working, often reporting to the local and ordering Guinness and ‘Kokokora’ baridi from Miss Penny who took over as the counter girl!