These are the things you should do in 2017


1. Stop sharing pictures of people involved in road accidents and collapsed buildings. Just anything gory. A brief description can help us understand the situation.

2. Call your relatives and friends to say hi and find out how they are doing. Don’t be the douche who calls only when you need a favour, or help.

3. Read two books, at the very least, every month.

4. Respect other people’s political choices, however wrong-headed they are.

5. Talk to your relatives and friends as often as possible. Better still, visit them. Giving people your time is better than money.

6. For women, Don’t get drunk. You look ugly and become easy prey for sex pests. Stay awake!

7. Donate to a charity - Red Cross or St John’s Ambulance. Volunteer somewhere. Not for the pictures for social media, or some donor funding, but as part of your obligation to make the world a better place.

8. Participate in a wedding, funeral, a fundraiser or anything that helps a friend or a relation get through their social obligations.

9. For men, don’t take a loan to impress a woman. And women, don’t push men to spend beyond their means to keep up with the Joneses.

10. Vote wisely. Our economy cannot sustain the greed of the few. Think of the future.

11. Buy something that supports the local economy. Buy local music and art. Don’t pirate. Support an artiste.

12. Social media can be toxic, occasionally log out quietly, and do something constructive.

13. Travel anytime you have an opportunity. When away from home, try to find how people live, eat, sleep and what they drink. You will discover human beings are all the same, whether you are in Melbourne or Manitoba.

14. Go slow on the sugar. When you succeed, teach me how.

15. Stop smoking weed. It is neither fun nor does it inspire you to do anything. You actually become a bore.

16. Know what to do in any situation. Especially if you’re a man.

17. If you’re a married man, love you family unconditionally, provide for them. It is one job you should not mess because the repercussions will follow many generations to come - daughters may refuse to marry, or marry jerks. Boys may become delinquents and you can’t correct that.

18. If you’re a man, build a decent home in your village. Retire to the village if you are 60 and above. Breathe some fresh air, for crying out loud, and help build that village polytechnic.

19. If you are a father and reading this, don’t ask for bride price for your daughter. Young people hate that.

20. If you’re a woman, nag your man less. Let him be. Give a brother some breathing space.

21. Women, remember it is perfectly OK to read news and know what is going on in Syria and the South China Sea.

22. Spare the world intimate details of your relationship. Keep them off social media. It helps you heal fast should you dump each other.

23. Eating at an American fast food franchise is an overrated experience, remember that. The fancy overpriced fries that taste like sawdust are actually for the poor back in America. Eat local foods. For girls, remember, pizza is not a treat.

24. If you’re 28 or older, stop going to loud nightclubs. Settle for a bar where you can have a decent conversation and women are dressed much more decently and have some intellectual grain to have a conversation beyond their hair or shopping. Five-star hotels do have some affordable happy-hour offers. Better, you may meet a business partner there that you will never meet in a club that plays Jamaican music. Respect your age, bwana!

25. Before you agree to date or sex with someone, measure how psychotic they are. The kind of nonsense on Kisumu Dads drives me up the wall. Don’t date childish people who cannot handle rejection properly.

26. Go to church, worship and serve God. That makes a huge difference.


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