From Mejja the 'mutura man' to Njugush the 'streetbeggar': Roles that would befit our celebrities

Willy Paul Photo:Courtesy

Willy Paul - Makanga

Hate or love him, Willy Paul aka WillyMsafi is an artiste who attracts following for both the good and the bad. Whether he is out releasing a nice hit or fighting with fans battling him online, this is a musician who has mastered the showbiz game.

There is never an argument where he loses the fight and yes, he can push you into a corner and leave you high and dry.

Many people think he has different faces. He can be the preacher talking about God having brought him from far. He could the school dropout who cares little about your degrees and yes, girls can’t resist him.

Pulse thinks Willy Paul in another life would make a good ‘makanga’. Change roles one day Willy and prove us wrong.

Bahati - Street comedian

Opposite Willy Paul, Bahati, his rival in the gospel scene, is an accomplished singer who has been blessed with a beautiful wife and children.

He comes acrosss as a cry baby. Bahati plays the good boy. When he is not composing songs about ‘Mama’ he is posting photos of himself with his adopted children or family on holiday.

He comes out as polite and rarely will you find him responding to attacks from his critics. However, looking at his dressing style lately, Bahati could sometimes be taken for an acrobat.

And this is why we give Bahati two masks today; one of a young street preacher and another of a Sarakasi Dancers acrobat. If Bahati wasn’t singing - and making babies - he would be having ‘Nyengese’ moments around Kencom.

Mellow - Stripper

DJ Mellow Photo:Courtesy

Have you seen Mellow spinning at a gig lately. Goodness, this super deejay has energy. The crowd likes her; men drool and girls wish they would get a slice of the attention she does.

DJ Mellow keeps the night going and few can leave the club when she is at the top of her action. She is witty and can also be sassy.

She likes letting a little skin show. The other day in Kisumu, men were betting for her after she appeared on stage with police handcuffs and daring anyone to challenge her.

Thank God she picked a night job for a career and for that matter deejaying because as Pulse predicts, DJ Mellow could have turned a stripper. By now, she would have made millions. Anyone seconding this?

DJ Crème de la Crème - Shopkeeper

This brother is an accomplished career journalist. How did he even end up deejaying and, now, singing? His life belongs to pen and paper. But there is more.

If you have ever interacted with Crème de la Crème, you will recognise his business mind. He is always thinking of a business idea and trying new fronts every time. You can never tell Crème de la Crème that it can’t be done.

Thank God the is a Nairobi guy because if he was somewhere in ‘ushago’, this talented DJ could be the proud proprietor of a chain of kiosks.

Like ‘Mr Fibre’ he would try his hands on everything; selling eggs, chicken, bananas, sugar, pigs, milk and God knows what. Crème, are you sure you are in the right career or, is it that you simply have other hidden talents?

Size 8 - Hawker

We love Size 8, a lot. She is one of the most open and frank artistes any journalist has interviewed. You ask her the first question and she answers the next five making work easy for you.

Size 8 comes across as a good wife and mother. She is the kind heart who has all relatives taken care of. She is an actor, businesswoman, a singer and a preacher. Mama Ladasha is all things possible!

Only that ‘mama’ in Gikomba market owning a clothes stall can come close to Size 8. The ‘mama’ who wakes up at 5am, runs up and down getting supplies, opens her stall, gossips all day with other women but by end of the day, takes bread home for her family. Picture size 8 in a ‘leso’ and ‘kitambaa’ on her head.

Timmy TDat - Fisherman

Timmy TDat is one guy who started off his music career on, seemingly, the wrong footing. Fans didn’t feel his style.

They dismissed his lyrics as weak and questioned his rapping, style saying his wasn’t hip-hop. But Timmy TDat has proved his critics wrong and gone ahead to become one of the most sought artistes of our times. However, if Timmy didn’t make a music breakthrough, he could be a fisherman.

Mejja - Mutura man

Mejja Photo:Courtesy

Let us keep it real. We have said it before, Mejja would have made a good butcher…or even better, that guy who does the ‘throat cutting’ inside the slaughter house.

Try listen to some of his lyrics carefully… “The landlord closes him out of the house because of rent arrears…he wakes up in the morning after a drinking spree and finds out that he has been robbed by women and left high and dry with everything in the house gone…He wonders what to pay bills with until he recalls Mp-Pesa…”

This guy’s act is all drama. And since we have always branded his alter-ego as a butcher, why don’t we add one cap on him. Picture him selling ‘mutura’ somewhere in Eastleigh in once white overall!

Amina - Home Science teacher

Amina could have made a good teacher…think Home Science or Religious Education.

She is one of the most interactive radio and TV personalities you will ever come across. Give it to her, the gorgeous The Trend host is among the best emcees in town. And what is more, she is a mother and wife; has also kept her clique of friends intact.

Picture Amina teaching her Class Seven students on how to do needle work, or even better leading that handwashing campaign.

Anita Nderu - Air hostess

Apart from being a good radio host and a brilliant TV host, around friends, we know that Anita Nderu can talk. This beauty has energy for seven international swimmers.

She also likes her style and has a smile permanently on her face. She has succeeded in the communication world and maintained her image as the attractive go-toface in the media. Which brings us to our point, wouldn’t she make a good airhostess?

Dr Ofweneke - Village chief 

He has confessed before that he can have as many wives as he wishes; and he likes them coming with natural hair; he is a true African man.

Dr Ofweneke has established himself as a good corporate emcee, a comedian and a TV host. Pulse thinks Ofweneke would make a good village elder, plus he likes traditional proverbs.

Ever watched the brilliant guy trying to make a point in a crowd. He oozes power and commands attention! If we were still in the Moi era, this guy would be a chief…The kind who simply take and execute instructions without asking why!

Njugush - Street beggar

Njugush Photo:Courtesy

This is the ultimate Halloween gift to Pulsers…the Njugush joke. Recently married and now a father, many fans have been wondering how the small framed comedian won himself a curvaceous wife. We have the answer: Good lyrics. Njugush has vibe!

See how the actor and comedian has transformed himself into a top events host and entrepreneur with every major corporate banking money on him.

Njugush can sell ice to an Eskimo. And with his powerful marketing skills, if Njugush never followed God’s voice, right now he would probably be a street con posing as a beggar.

Chipukeezy – House boy

Chipukeezy would have gotten married to a sugar mummy and become those Karen houseboys whose major duty is to clean the old mama’s feet.

Thank God, he is one of the most successful comedian and hilarious TV host we have today. His demeanour is that of an obedient boy who would simply do what madam lady asks. He is a humble listener and can entertain. That is why the ‘Karen’ mama would no doubt keep him till death, her will pledging all her wealth to him. And in this he is joined by Papa Dennis.  

Wahu and Churchill - preachers

Wahu comes out as a great mother and counsellor. She is a role model to many girls and always has the right advice wherever she is reached out for help.

And since now Wahu is saved, our prediction is effortless. Nameless would easily start a church and Wahu would be a co-pastor.

Lets just call it Wahu Happy Jesus Ministries International. She looks like she would have this Women Conference where she would have the likes of Kathy Kiuna and Joyce Meyer.

Then there is Churchill! Wasn’t this guy born for a seminary?

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