After banning mini skirts, authorities plan to outlaw big handbags


Since the beginning of time women have sat back and quietly taken the short end of the stick.

First Adam blamed Eve for giving him the fruit from the forbidden tree

— I guess he had never heard the word “no”. Why was she to blame? Was he not the leader, when did he become the follower? But then again, men have always been the weaker sex.

Why else would the Anglican Church of Uganda ban bare shoulders at the altar during a marriage ceremony?

Apparently, the push up bras and low bodices serve up a nice pair of mammary glands that keep the priest faltering in his speech, with every breath the bride takes.

It was therefore decreed that if you must have a “stylish dress”, you must wear a bolero or a shawl to ensure that the congregates can concentrate during the service.

I wonder what would happen if the bride showed up in a short tight transparent miniskirt. Oops! I do know what would happen. She might be arrested.

The miniskirt bill was passed into law. And very soon, traffic officers will no longer have any excuses to stop female drivers and engage them in long winding conversations.

The officer can even extend the period of ‘optical nutrition’ by hopping into the car and asking madam to accompany him to the station.


 Have you noticed how a short hemline seems to have a mind of its own, once the wearer gets behind the wheel?

Do you know what else could be going out of fashion or might get banned come 2014? Big handbags.

The Jinja Resident District Commissioner, Richard Gulume advocating for a ban of big bags in worship centers said: “I know it is style for women to look good while matching their attires with shoes and handbags but they should also prioritise their lives because it matters (more) than their bags. Let everyone take our messages seriously because matters on security have no compromise”.

I know many men are cheering him on because these large handbags pose a security threat of another nature this festive season.

Gulume imagines that the handbags can be used by terrorists to discreetly carry explosives and other dangerous materials. Men who are in ambivalent relationships can list the ‘terror items’

— toothbrush, lingerie, clothes and shoes.  These bags enable a woman to move into your house in one swoop and start an unsanctioned relationship.


 That will not stop our ingenuity; ask Cosmas who married a “modern woman” with a good job and a prime piece of property. He decided that they should build their family house on her land, and did not heed his father’s advice that he should buy his own land.

His boys too tried to advice him that for a woman: “what’s mine is mine what’s yours is ours”.

 Five years down the line the marriage is on the rocks and she threw him out of “her house”. They are now in court as he tries to prove that they co-own the house.