There’s more to love than just ‘keeping a man’

[Photo: Courtesy]

I was visiting a friend of mine recently when I witnessed an interesting argument. Two of my friend’s aunts had disagreed over some minor issue, and what had begun as a trivial difference of opinion, escalated into a full-blown public altercation. The two women are cousins and are both in their early 30s.

I was drawn to the altercation when one of the women fired a thought-provoking cheap shot at her nemesis. It started when one of the women called out the other on her backward thinking and nasty attitude.

The offended woman fired back by stating that even though her thinking might be backward and her attitude nasty, at least she has a man. She told her nemesis that she is a worthless human being because she has never been married and doesn’t have kids.

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She went on to mock her single status by telling her that she will never be able to keep a man. The woman who was hurling these insults is newly-married with a young child.

 I can’t believe that, in this day and age, women are still using relationships as a status symbol! When will this ridiculous game of upmanship, where married women and women in relationships deem themselves better off than single and unmarried women end? That was not the first time I was hearing such ridiculous jibes being hurled at women.

Men and women alike have been insulting single women using their single status since time immemorial. I am tired of hearing this women-who-can’t-keep-a-man nonsense. It perpetuates the belief that a woman’s ultimate goal in life is to get married, and that a woman who doesn’t achieve this goal is worthless and a failure.

When will we, as a society, stop indoctrinating women and young girls into believe that their lives are not complete unless they have a man? It doesn’t matter how accomplished a woman is in her career. As long as she is single, she is seen as second-rate to women who are married and have families.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t believe I was put on this earth to please some guy and pop out a few kids. Don’t get me wrong, marriages and relationships are good and I do hope to meet a good man and get married someday.

But my life does not revolve around men and relationships. Furthermore, if I ever got married, I know for a fact that I will never look down on single women or think that I am better than other women simply because I have a man. 

No matter how old a woman is, she is not less of a person because she doesn’t have a man in her life. We are not in the dark ages where the sole purpose of women was to get pregnant and cook for their men.

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 So, it begs the question why we are still throwing this kind of petty insults. It doesn’t matter if a woman is single by choice or by circumstances which are beyond her control. Let us stop measuring a woman’s value based on her ability to get and keep a man.

Ladies, you do not need a man to feel content and happy and you should never let anyone convince you otherwise.

@roxannekenya.


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