Gentlemen, this is how to be the 2019 dream guy

[Photo: Courtesy]

All too often, you will hear men sighing about how they do not understand women. Sometimes it is simply a difference in the way men and women think. Other times it is just plain laziness on the part of men.

You think men are not lazy? Take a walk down any busy street in your capital city. You will not walk 10 metres before you find a woman worth casting a second glance at.

And it is not just that she is beautiful – you can tell she has taken some time with her appearance – from the hair to makeup and colour coordinated outfits.

Now tell me, when is the last time you saw a man worth looking over your sunglasses to appreciate? Lazy, I tell you!

So here’s the idiot’s guide to knowing how not to hurt your wife’s feelings, starting with my all-time number one deal breaker: staring at other women in my presence.

Guys, you have plenty of time on your own during which to stare at the many women (see paragraph above) who have obviously taken a bit of time with their appearance and are worth a second look.

DO NOT do it in front of your own woman. And you may think you’re smooth and she can’t see you do it but trust me, our internal radars all work the same.

When we see a striking woman we look from her to you, and if we catch your eyes along that same path it is a soul-crushing experience for us.

It is not because we are insecure; we wish most women well. It is because we remember when you looked at us the same way.

Now every glance you throw elsewhere is a reminder of how far we’ve fallen from the good old days and how little effort you’re willing to put in to make me feel special.

Number two is closely related to number one: if you’re going to praise the achievements of another woman - be it your mother, sister, colleague or some random public figure you admire - then you better make it a habit of praising my own achievements and talents.

And if you do not know what those are, you must help me to develop some worth praising.

I see you on social media, husbands, busy supporting other women’s businesses, posting emojis and gifs and laughing uproariously at other women’s jokes.

Never to publicly acknowledge that your wife also has a side hustle to support or an inspiring back story to share.

If you want to make it through 2019 still married and alive, please learn to say thank you. We do not do all we do because we are expecting payment, but a little thank you goes a long way. Do not assume that all the ‘little’ things we do are actually little.

If women did not plan the meals, do the shopping, keep track of when sugar and salt is needed, and put away the socks you insist on depositing right outside the laundry basket, life as you know it would fall apart very quickly.

And that’s another thing: if I had a dollar for every time some idiot talked about house work as if it is not work, I would be reasonably well off.

When you leave a full grown man the responsibility of planning the family’s day, looking after children, cooking, cleaning and looking good while at it for just one day, be sure corners will be cut and things will be left undone.

They always end up calling their sisters, mothers or worse still, ex-girlfriends for advice on how to manage. In this new millennium, there has been more than enough research presented to prove that children need both their parents, not just their mother.

So this business of handing every crying, stinky, hungry baby to a woman needs to stop.

Acting like the sickly, ill-behaved and not-so-academically inclined children belong to their mother is also a huge no-no.

So many women are making grave mistakes because they are bringing up their children in fear. The bad child will be theirs alone and so they over compensate for the weak ones and secretly resent the strong ones for being dad’s favourites.

Let 2019 be the year of not automatically assuming that your life, your needs, your appointments, your ideas and your job is automatically more important than those of your lady. Before you think, act or speak, are you being a selfish, insensitive, ungrateful man? Fix it.

Get your home affairs in order before you go out to pretend to conquer the world.

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