For the longest time, smoking was a deal breaker for me in any potential partner.
I have always thought of smoking as a filthy habit. I gag when someone lights up a cigarette next me. To date a man who puffs on these death sticks all day long was not even conceivable. I thought I would never get involved with a smoker until I met Jeff.
To make it clear, I didn’t know he smoked until well into our friendship (we started out as friends).
I wanted to point that out because I don’t want you thinking that I met this one guy and suddenly all my standards went out the window. He was careful to hide his smoking habit from me, which must have been very difficult for him because, as I would later find out, he was quite a heavy smoker.
He was a charming guy. He was intelligent, witty and overall a great guy to be around so I wasn’t surprised when I found myself falling for him. I remember the exact moment I found out he smokes.
We were having drinks at a bar one late afternoon when he casually took out a box of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one up. I was surprised. I had not imagined him as the smoking type. I guess by this time he felt comfortable enough around me to show his not-so-good side.
The smoking obviously put me off but I reckoned he was just a stress smoker.
I convinced myself that he only smokes when his mind is feeling overstretched- which couldn’t be that often. Boy was I wrong! Now that he no longer needed to hide this bad habit, he felt free to be himself.
From then on, there was never a moment when he didn’t have a cigarette in his mouth. When he asked me to be his girlfriend a few weeks later, I accepted.
I hated smokers but I really liked him. I convinced myself that no man is perfect.
I chose to see his smoking as any other shortcoming in a man, like flakiness or tardiness.
I saw his smoking as a weakness and, therefore, an undesirable trait but he had so many good qualities that I thought overshadowed this one bad trait.
I decided that his smoking habit was a weakness I could learn to live with, or so I thought.
He knew I had a big problem with smoking and made an effort to make the relationship easier for me but it just wasn’t enough.
Even though he never smoked around me, I could still smell that nauseating stench on his clothes when I snuggled up to him.
He tried to use colognes to get rid of the smell but anyone who has ever been around a smoker can tell you that the smell never really goes away.
It gets absorbed into his clothes. Secondly, as expected, kissing became a problem.
I am a very affectionate person and like to spontaneously kiss my boyfriend. That was not possible with him. Although he tried to chew gum after he smoked, sometimes I could still taste the cigarettes on him.
Ultimately things didn’t work out. Since then, I make a point of asking a guy if he smokes from the get-go, before I get attached.
There are many drawbacks for dating a smoker when you are a non-smoker and believe me, it is not worth it. Let the smokers date each other.
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