Ugandans go bananas over news that dirty money can spread STDs

A credible research done in the city established that our money is a major cause of transmitting UTIs

Kampala recently learnt recently that not all sexually transmitted diseases are sexually transmitted, so to speak.

I hope this revelation will save a few women from violence and accusations of prostitution.

It was a couple of weeks back when a credible research done in the city established that our money is a major cause of transmitting UTIs (urinary tract infections).

Cash was collected from business premises at random, subjected to scientific examination and the worst was confirmed. Half of the cash in circulation is infested with disease causing agents, and in particular, UTI.

So there you are. You can get a UTI because of handling dirty money. Then you pass it on to your partner, so it becomes a sexually transmitted disease, yet you got it by buying a chapatti and getting change which was infected.

If you work in a bank as a cashier, chances are very high that you will pick the UTI from doing your noble job and passing it on as a sexually transmitted disease (STD). And most bank tellers are women. Poor sisters.

We cannot know how many have been thrown out of their marriages because even after being accused of infidelity and getting treated, they continued working and brought another UTI home! Banaange!

Anyway, the topic got a lot of attention on radio stations and call in programmes got lots of comments.

Hear some of the remarks men made: “No more giving women money, since it gives them infections and they pass it to us!” argued one wag.

He was supported by other fellows who advocated that all women be sacked from bank jobs to save their relationships and marriages.

“It’s because they keep the money in all kinds of places to hide it from us,” said another. He was supported by those who claimed the women are fond of hiding money from men.

Guess what another male wag said gleefully? That the Bible says that money is the root of all evil, so women should be protected from it!

Although the research did not say money infects only women with UTIs, somehow the men decided it is women who pick it and pass it on.

It is not easy being a woman. You just can't win. Only one brother seems to have a sense of humour; “And to imagine laundering money is criminal!” he mused.

Would you like to get published on Standard Media websites? You can now email us breaking news, story ideas, human interest articles or interesting videos on: [email protected]