Ladies, men are not pets to be caged

Dating is increasingly becoming very tricky around here. As a woman, when you don’t know how a guy feels about you, and you are really interested in him, there’s a temptation to try to find ‘clues’ or ‘hints’ in everything he says and does.

After all, you really like this guy. You really want him to like you. So you read into every word he texts you and watch him like a hawk when you’re with him, trying to figure out how he feels about you (without having to ask him).

Now, get this girls; men detest when someone is trying to second guess them. Men were born to be free and roam free. The other way that women ruin it all is by letting negativity rule your interactions with him.

Granted, it’s impossible to be positive all the time – occasionally (or more than occasionally) you are going to be in a bad mood. But your mood is the most important factor when it comes to a budding relationship with someone new.

Your mood is going to determine how he feels when he’s around you – which is going to determine whether he wants to spend more time with you or not.

It’s a law about human nature – people want to spend more time with people that make them feel good and less time with people that make them feel bad. When you are in a bad mood, well…you will always find yourself lonely. Who wants to carry your baggage full of bitterness?

The important thing to focus on is trying to be in the best possible mood when you are with him, or when you are writing him a text or talking to him on the phone. That way, your positivity will make him feel good, which will make him want to spend more time with you.

The other side of the coin is that negativity will make him want to spend less time with you, and drive him away (just like if he was overwhelmingly broody, negative, and in a bad mood, you wouldn’t have as much fun hanging out with him).

The other problematic area for most women is making him the centre of your emotional life. Relationships are a delicate thing. It makes sense to rely on your partner for emotional support – both people are there to help each other.

But it’s not good to rely on your partner too much. When you make him the centre of your emotional life and let yourself depend on him emotionally too much. That kind of emotional dependence is poison to both men and women in a relationship.

Another problem is women trying to overanalyse issues. This kind of overanalysing creates a dynamic between you that feels bad for him to be around and makes him want to ghost you.

It doesn’t feel good to be with someone who’s reading into every word you say. It makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells – one wrong move or wrong word could disappoint the person you’re with and poison the mood.

When he has to watch everything he says and does to avoid upsetting you (and he doesn’t know what will and won’t upset you), it won’t feel good for him to be around you. And feeling good when you’re around someone is the first step towards a more lasting relationship.

The best way to avoid this mistake is to look at a relationship as something you bring happiness into, rather than extract happiness from.

That way, you won’t fall into the trap of depending on him to feel good, which will make him feel like he’s being burdened by being responsible for your emotional state and push him away.

Guys don’t like drama. They don’t like it complicated-at all. Guys like simple stuff. Life is already complicated enough.

There’s a temptation to think that you have to make a guy chase after you in order to snag him and keep him interested. 99% of the time, when a woman tries to play that game, it winds up blowing up in her face.

That’s because the way to keep a guy’s interest isn’t to make him jump through hoops or generate drama between you. Guys hate drama – it actively turns them off and makes them want to bolt.

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