Five things freshers must not bring to campus

I reported back to school last week, which was my first time reporting back on the first week of re-opening, because I’m a generally good boy. For a few days or so, I was mostly alone around the school compound (of course there were other guys too but none that I knew personally.)

And so I would spend my time watching movies or listening to music or taking long-winding walks in the sunset at the school playing grounds. I would also write, whenever something hit me.

Matter of factly, I’m on the second chapter of this book I’m writing about a boy - a sick boy - who meets a girl - there’s always a girl with these stories - and has his whole world completely changed.

Anyway, the first years started trooping in one fine morning and my whole serenity was interfered with because now I started spending my days ogling the female ones. I would watch them being driven in by their parents in the morning and taken through the registration process and left with their things in the evening.

If I spotted one beautiful enough, I would go over and offer to assist them trace their hostels because I was idle and an idle me can be very generous.

I noticed a few things they were carrying that I found quite peculiar and wondered how nobody had told them that most of those things were totally unnecessary on campus. And so, if you’re about to join campus out there, here are a few things you do not need to carry because you’ll only be embarrassing yourselves;

  1. Mattresses

Unless you’re going to stay outside school, which is only about 3% of you, you do not need to carry a mattress. They will be provided for you in your respective hostels. What do you think this is, bloody jail?

  1. Dozens Of books

You will only be taking about 8 units here; so you need just about 4 books (2 units per book). This is not high school where each subject had its own boom because they would be collected every now and then for assignments. Assignments will not be done in books here.

  1. Metallic box

I don’t even know what to say to this kind. What year do y’all think we’re in, pre-colonial times? People nowadays do suitcases, damn it!

  1. Pre-cooked food

Again, you’re not going to jail. There will be food at the mess. And, No, it’s not poisoned.

  1. Attitude

First year ladies, not everyone who comes at you is trying to smash, some of us just really want to help you trace your hostels and maybe get your number and hook up for coffee later and... OK, they’re all trying to smash. But, still, it’s possible to say ‘No’ without rolling your eyes all the way to the back of your head. Leave those attitudes home. We prefer open minds!

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