Teachers throw bash to celebrate Matiang’i’s Education ministry exit

Many schools are rumoured to be celebrating the exit of the CS
  • Like many school heads our head teacher threw a party last Friday
  • This was in celebration of the exit of CS Matiang’í from the education ministry

Like many school heads, Okonkwo threw a party for Meta Meta staff last Friday.

Our initial scepticism evaporated when on Thursday at lunch time, Vasco Da Gama, the talkative history teacher, jumped out of the school bus with a fat goat.

“Tutakula hii kesho,” he told Donatta who was on duty. Vasco Da Gama is Meta Meta’s authority on goats. He even claims that he can tell the age of a goat from the size of its horns or testicles. Unlike Aeneas, Vasco Da Gama doesn’t put aside some of the money allocated for extracurricular activities.

When we held a party to celebrate the renovation of the current staffroom, Aeneas had won the goat tender. He almost ruined the event by buying a goat the size of a cat.

It was so emaciated that it could have been blown away by a weak gust of wind. Okonkwo immediately blacklisted him.

On Thursday afternoon, Annette came round, asking for our choice of drinks. “Socs, wewe tu ndio umebaki,” she said, handing me foolscap. Thunder had asked for Guinness and Coke, while Aeneas had indicated any - in brackets alcohol.

 Most of the lady members of staff had indicated wine. Magarita, our HOD guidance and counselling who claims to be among the ‘remnants’ had written; TANGAWIZI TEA. She comes from a community widely known for its love for the brew.

 Franco, the teacher of French, on the other hand had asked for Jamesons Whiskey.

Immediately after lunch on Friday, kanga-wrapped-up women lugging big sufurias took up a corner of Jezebel’s kitchen. Jezebel treats the kitchen as her private territory. She was offended for having been overlooked for such a ‘lucrative tender’.

“Kwa nini hamkubeba chumvi yenu," she asked them when they asked for salt.  “Mwenye wivu ajinyonge,” said one in coastal Swahili. Schola, Meta Meta’s rumour mill caretaker, was like most of us, unable to unearth the reason for Okonkwo’s sudden attack of generosity.

Annette almost let the cat out of the bag when she said: “Sasa waalimu wanaweza kupumua. Wacha Matiang’i akimbizane na kina Babu Owino na Kuria huko nje.” Many schools are rumoured to be celebrating the exit of the CS. Last year, Okonkwo almost suffered a heart attack while rushing back to school.

He had left without informing his deputy, Wa Makeri where he was going. The depa called him and told him that she had been informed that the CS was touring schools in the sub county.

Finding the school van too slow, Okonkwo jumped onto a Boda Boda motorcycle. Screaming at the rider to spare no speed, he was minutes later deposited at the fence behind the school farm.

After hurriedly dusting himself up, he sneaked into the school via a hole in the fence. His intention was to create the impression that he had been in the school farm. “Wamefika?” a cook heard him ask Wa Makeri on his phone.

That call saved some Form Three boys.

Led by Kevo, they were just about to sneak out of the school when they heard him. In hiding, they were amazed; the principal bend to fit into the very hole he had warned students about in the morning assembly.

It has since been baptized ‘Okonkwo express way’.

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