Signs he’s about to dump you Akombe-style


  • Kenyan women rarely give indications that things are not well in a relationship
  • Instead, they leave the house only for the man to later discover that things are not well

On Wednesday Dr Roselyne Akombe resigned as a commissioner of the Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission in most dramatic fashion. As expected social media lit up with all manner of analysis and commentary on her behaviour.

As a woman, I was a bit disappointed that she exited because she felt the pressure was too much (as if she expected different) while Chilobae gets to deal with the pressure by going on leave - story for another day.

One meme that caught my interest was one that likened Akombe’s exit to the manner in which Kenyan women leave relationships. The meme claimed Kenyan women rarely give indication that things are not well, they just leave the house only for the man to come home and discover rather late in the day that things are not well.

This had me thinking on how Kenyans sulk at ending relationships- especially of the romantic type. While women can be cold and callous in their execution, men operate in the grey area from where they send mixed signals to women they do not feel.

This often leads women to behave in an escapist manner and fail to address the obvious fast that the relationship is over. To avoid such humiliation, here are a few things to watch out for and can help you run for cover if things get hairy.

One of the things I admire about men is their intensity and focus when it comes to pursuing matters. A man who has found his love interest usually makes the time to be with her and will usually make numerous calls during the day to declare his undying love for the said lady.

Women need to pay attention to any changes in text, phone and rendezvous behaviours.  A woman who notices a drop in frequency and intensity in communication should get the hint that the man is trying to wiggle his way out of the relationship.

Unfortunately, women spend a lot of time making lots of excuses for the change in communication. They will blame the network, they will busy schedules anything but the obvious fact that the relationship has hit the dead end.

There usually are other indicators that one needs to hit quit on a relationship but one of the most critical one is when a man stop spending his money and time with you. We all know that the pursuit of women has led many men to financial misery as they borrow, beg and steal to meet their women’s needs. A man in love will even endure the humiliation of borrowing from a shylock to ensure his woman gets what she needs. 

Therefore a woman who notices that her man no longer cares to give her money to improve her looks and well-being needs to be very afraid. A woman who notices that her man does not care whether she has airtime for her phone, whether she is facing eviction due to rent arrears or who generally seems to develop instant illness every time she mentions the word broke.

Of course, if the man was stingy and mean to begin with; then it really is a case of choosing the wrong man. However, if he isn’t spending with and on you, then he is done with you, it is advisable that you take a walk.

Despite these very obvious signals, women often get caught up in self-inflicted misery because they do not like to ask direct questions when it comes to the start and end of relationships.  Women may have all the indicators staring them right in the eyes but they chicken out when it comes to asking their men the all-important question, “Are you and I over? Are you dumping me?”

Rejection hurts but hanging onto a guy who no longer wants you is somewhat daft and desperate, so I would rather women bit the rejection bullet as fast as possible. The situation gets a bit murkier if the said man keep sending mixed signals which include those late night booze fuelled booty calls which often culminate in very great sex- which clouds women’s intentions to end the relationship.  

Women also spend too much time thinking that men will reward their long time loyalty by having a change of heart and choosing to stay.

If he is done, he is done. The best thing is do is to allow him to walk and maybe making a dramatic exit like Akombe’s might be the best way to end the relationship.