The pub skirt: Five types of skirts campus chicks wear

The wearer is constantly trying to pull the skirt down as if she had no idea that her thighs could not accommodate its size

Let me tell you something about skirts in campus.

It would be a lie to try and say that this reflects all campus students, so if you are from Strathmore, Daystar or Africa Nazarene, please roll down your sleeves.

Christian Union skirt: As a matter of policy, it should be at least an inch below the knee.

The only thing that it is supposed to show are your ankles and your toes, otherwise you are not welcome at meetings.

The wearer is renowned for her religious fervour summoned from divine inspiration, typically involving speaking in tongues and wild uncoordinated movements of the body.

The pool table skirt: It is supposed to be knee length. Not too long or too short.

The reason is so that a girl is comfortable while shooting balls into holes.

At some point, she might have to lean and stretch, and the last thing this girl wants, is someone peering beneath her.

However, it also depends on where the game is being played and if she is playing by the rules.

If she wants to distract you from putting your mind to the game, she will let it ride up a notch.

As a rule of thumb, I do not play pool with anyone in a short skirt, especially when money is on the line.

Campus pub skirt: This skirt is usually worn in company of other skirts. In this case, these skirts will be holding a bottle of Desperados or Black Ice.

The wearer will cross her legs and let her eyes scout the pub for any person who will come and ask, “What are you girls having?” as if he cannot see already.

When the woman in this skirt is alone, she is walking around.

The wearer is constantly trying to pull the skirt down as if she had no idea that her thighs could not accommodate its size.

The irony will strike you like a beer bottle on the head in a crazy bar fight.

Adventist skirt: These ones look like city council uniform. They are long and baggy.

They sweep the ground; and you need laser sharp eyes (or to be a royal pervert) to even imagine what is inside. If God intended any part of your body to be seen by all, he would have put it on your head.

Late to class skirts: These ones are never really late to class. They are just fashionably late.

They make the class pause when they walk in, elevated by black heels with red soles.

Most probably they are worn with stockings; those long socks that make me quiver with revulsion.

There are multifarious skirts, walking around campuses every day, just as they do in town.

But none of them ever says, “Please stranger, come touch me” ...unless of course they are on Kolobot Road, next to Sirona Hotel.