Inaugural ‘Meanest Frown’ competition puts smiles on locals’ faces

If you think Russian Roulette is a strange game, then you haven't seen some of the games Ugandan men play these days. I don't even think Russians play more Russian Roulette than other countries where people are troubled and desperate.

It is only in some of those war-torn countries that men still hold a randomly loaded gun to their head and pull the trigger to see if there was a bullet in the chamber – I mean for the spectators to see.

Well Ugandan men are troubled, too. But they don't shoot their brains out like that. I think they don't have all that soap to waste washing blood and brains off spectators' clothes, or off the deceased winner's clothes to make their inheritor use them quickly.

So in their hopelessness, they invent strange, new games. The most recent is the competition for getting angry for no reason, or for all the reasons around you but at no one in particular.

The inaugural anger competition was held last weekend in a southern suburb of the capital city of Kampala. All the contestants were strong young men in their twenties.

They had to display extreme anger on their faces for about thirty minutes as the spectators watched. Just so you know, the event was very well attended. It attracted a crowd big enough to excite your average politician on vote-hunting mission.

To confuse and excite the contestants, a bevy of provocatively dressed young women were deployed to entice the 'angry' young men. The smiling girls spent the duration of the contest rubbing their hot bodies against the young men from all sides.

They would get as close as possible, whisper what I presume were sweet nothings to the young men, touch them, and do their best to get a smile from the young men. They tried at least to make them soften their frowning, angry facial expression. It just did not work.

After the allotted time, the competition ended. The disappointed young ladies walked off unhappy. The 'angry' young men were congratulated and the crowd was called to vote for the meanest. They winner was given his prize – UGX100,000 (about Ksh3,000). Everybody went home happy.

This certainly is a great improvement to the bizarre contests Ugandan men have been holding in the past. We have had people competing to eat as many eggs in as few minutes as possible. Other contests for drinking waragi have often ended with fatalities. So merely getting angry while girls rub themselves against you is not all that bad.

But not all angry men display anger for contest. A group of radical Muslim clerics once in a month go to a small bush in the northern part of Kampala city and start chanting very hot angry prayers, calling on bad things to befall somebody. Early this month, they prayed for horrible things to happen to those who traffic our young people to the Middle East. Although they hold their angry prayers in the bush, they usually call in TV cameramen to record their 'secret anger'.