There are some things we do in this world that we’re, ultimately, not proud of. Like this one time in high school when I smacked this Form One for hiding his Blue Band from me. Then I made him smear it on my bread and lick it out.
And when he reported me to the Dorm Captain — who, unbeknownst to him, was a close friend of mine — and it came to my attention, I scooped out the whole Blue Band and stamped it on his face.
You know, humans can be real jerks sometimes but that... that was just straight up evil. And I’m man enough to accept it. I recall asking for forgiveness from God much later.Anyway, the other thing I did that I’m not proud of is — and this one is only recently — I admired some campus girls’ panties on a cloth line and the the devil tempted me so much, I almost stole them!
Hold on, before you judge, let me explain. I had gone to the girl’s hostels in my campus this past week to pick some notes from a classmate. You know how it goes. You get busy, skip class and when CATs beckon, you start running allover looking for notes. So that was me the other day. But I had Jackie to read from, so she volunteered to lend me her book for 30 minutes to photocopy her notes.
I insisted we meet at the entrance of her hostel, but she said she was in her pajamas and didn’t feel like leaving the room. I really wanted to ask if, maybe, it was that day of the month, but I suspected she wouldn’t get the humour in it, so I didn’t. I nevertheless went into her room and the first thing my eyes landed on were a gazillion panties and thongs, neatly spread out in a line at one end of the room. There is just something about those cute, seductive garments that got me excited, so much so that if she wasn’t around, I would have pocketed one of two.
And the fact that those girls were proud and ballsy enough to hang them up there for all and sundry tells a lot about their personalities. Those, I thought, are ladies who don’t give two hoots. Those are the types who go to the club and sit at the counter with a bottle of White Cap, without bothering to respond to petty men — such as myself — who criticise women who drink, claiming: “Beer is a man’s drink”.
In that case, I want to shout out those campus mamis who are so confident with their cute inner garments that they wash and hang them out there for all and sundry. Don’t mind anyone who says anything else, just ‘do you’. Keep ‘doing you’. But please, no mothers unions up there. I don’t think we would ever be able to recover from that sight.