Farting in public and other annoying pet peeves Kenyans must stop in 2017

There those who may have slept on beans, others on matumbo and other strange combinations and exercise their freedom of expression by not detaining odours within themselves.

Last week we agreed that we would hop into the New Year, having discarded our old bad habits. But I am writing this with a heavy heart. I still can’t believe a grown ass woman and a corporate type to boot could do to me what one did the other day in a lift.

She passed wind, leaving the darn place smelling like a dumpsite and did not even bother to apologise. Instead, she kept her face glued on her phone. Never mind we were just the two of us. That this happened during a hot afternoon made matters worse.

Well, farting is a perfectly normal and natural biological process, but when it happens in public, it becomes such an embarrassment. Whether it’s done silently or it’s released as a loud toot. I almost yelled, “jiheshimu” and walked out, but then I didn’t want to begin the year by fighting with strangers.

Folks, if you are in the habit of breaking wind in public -- very common in matatus-- please drop it in 2017. It’s not cool. Actually, one of the reasons I hate public transport is because, people indiscriminately fart as if it were a competition. Worse, it all depends on what one ate the previous day.

There those who may have slept on beans, others on matumbo and other strange combinations and exercise their freedom of expression by not detaining odours within themselves.

Bad behaviour aside, there are aspects of our conduct that irk those we associate with. There are some things that the so-called urbanites commit and vote themselves out of blessings.

There are these people who will be very instrumental in starting the self-help groups, but as soon as you are into the second month of contribution they default on Chama payments. This is very uncivil, bearing in mind that most chamas are usually founded on friendship.

Why would you want to ruin such friendship because of failure to remit a couple of thousands monthly? It is the same for people who will come crawling sounding holier than though, as mellow as the pope when they want to borrow money, but when the time to repay comes, the fellow first starts truancy.

After a couple of weeks and the he or she is running out of excuses the person simply stops picking your calls. Isn’t this the ultimate betrayal? Well, if you have such friends, you would hope you get better neighbours. But it is not always the case. The unfortunate bit is that while you can choose your friends, you have no such luxuries when it comes to the neighbours.

Garbage for brains

As fate would have it when you live in the same neighbourhood with others, there are some things that must be undertaken communally as estate projects. But there are fellows who refuse completely to cooperate in addressing common problems. These fellows too will refuse to pay service charge and still expect service.

The most annoying moment is when the state management decides to make feel the effect of their non-compliance by refusing to offer services. There was this one time one of the neighbours had refused to pay service charge and the estate management instructed the guards not to open the gate for this culprit.

The end game was that all of us were inconvenienced by this approach since he blocked the gate with his car and went back to sleep! Then there is this cadre of people who may have worked hard to get themselves a good car or may have won a tender with government, perhaps God has simply been merciful to them to afford the car.

But regrettably, not the manners. These fellows will throw anything and everything of the car windows whilst cruising on a highway. I once had a plastic soda bottle fly unto my windscreen along Nakuru-Nairobi Highway. If you have been dumping rubbish on the highway, please desist.

As a society we want to believe that you have some brains in your head, but if you keep throwing garbage out of your car, it is possible that we, the right thinking members of the society may take it that you got garbage for brains. Please, let us stop these pet peeves.