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Girls, why you should learn to walk in heels and other New Year resolutions

By Tony Masikonde | Monday, Jan 2nd 2017 at 12:24

Every year, tens of people resolve to do things differently come the New Year. There are those who pledge to stop smoking, others want to lose weight, some want to, ehh, lose their heads just because they got new girlfriends!

Since we are in the New Year, it will be good to drop our old detestable habits and be new. Whether you want to call it 'transformation', 'reincarnation' or 'make over', just change and embrace your new you.

So how can you be the new you? There are those girls who insist on walking on high heels in complete disregard of their safety and health. Have you been on a city street, walking behind a woman and your heart keeps skipping a beat because of the way she is walking? Especially those who clumsily tiptoe like a day old antelope.

They are usually a minor knock away from breaking their ankles. Girls, if you do not know how to walk comfortably in high heels, please put in some practice hours and learn how to walk without scaring us all to near death.

Make no mistake; those who know how to rock high heels actually do it very well. And i find such women very sexy. But still there are others who think high heels are for all occasions. I mean, how can you go upcountry for a burial on high heels? How are you going to walk to the graveside on high heels? Please! Woman, whom do you want to be following you around to help uproot you each time your heels sink in the ground?

Then there these women who are notorious in wearing very tight clothes in public. So tight that you see all those bulges that should only be seen by their spouses. My grandfather used to tell me that never reveal the udder to the kid. As a herder, if you expect to milk your goat in the evening, you must ensure that its young one does not spend its waking time suckling, or else you will have nothing to milk.

It is the same for the men. I do not want to partake what all the men in town have been ogling the whole day. Men still fancy some level of mystery. This is not to say men are saintly. No, they are far from it. I have had the tragedy to be in presence of men who will ogle at women, as if they are goats at the famous Baring County's Kimalel goat auction.

Honestly, men must drop this bad habit of objectifying women. If you have been to a goat auction, a proper goat auction, not the ones that are done at church fundraisers, a real goat auction where you have to scrutinize tens of goats before you can settle on the prized ewe or ram. The seasoned purchases know where to focus their scrutiny, it comes with experience.

It is the same case with seasoned womanisers; they will ogle at a woman to the point of perversion. I got a friend of mine who used to say that when he looks at a woman and locks his brain unto her body, he is able to visually peel off layer after layer of her cloths and see her stark naked! A proper hyena! To all you members of the infamous Team Mafisi, this is the kind of bad habits that you should not cross with them onto the New Year.

So whatever you resolve to do this year, just makes sure you are not an encumbrance for someone else to enjoyment of their rights and preferences. Or an embarrassment to your folks! As in don't do stuff that would make your mother-in-law or pastor cringe with embarrassment. Happy New Year!

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